5 Steps to Loving Yourself

February 25, 2022 by Lazer Brody

Many people mistakenly think that if a person loves himself, then he’s a narcissist…

Loving Yourself is not Narcissism

The world is utterly confused between narcissism, a definitely undesirable trait, and loving yourself. When you love and appreciate yourself, you can love and appreciate others. Narcissists, on the other hand, can see no one but themselves.

Loving yourself is a prime key to your happiness, success and emotional health. In addition, it’s the vital element in your relationship with yourself, with others and with the Creator.

Narcissism, in stark contrast, is exclusive interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance. The narcissist is far from happy, for he or she craves praise and admiration. They want to be the center of attention. They demand that others constantly tell them how they are and look. In that way, the narcissist is an emotional pauper, entirely dependent on compliment-handouts from others.

Emotional Independence

People who loves themselves are the exact opposite of the emotional beggar. They are entirely independent and don’t crave compliments and outside reinforcement. They’re happy with themselves, no matter how seemingly unsuccessful or limited they might be.

If we don’t love ourselves, we won’t be able to love anyone else. A person who doesn’t love himself is never satisfied with himself or with anyone around him. He’s not even satisfied with the Almighty!

If you want to be happy right now, don’t wait until you become make a hundred million dollars or find the spouse of your dreams. Right now, learn to love yourself. If you wait for the dream to materialize, you’ll find that even then, you won’t be truly happy, because loving yourself doesn’t depend on that dream coming true either or on any other external condition.

Here’s how to love yourself in a few easy steps: repeat these steps every day until they become second nature.

5  Steps to Loving Yourself

  1. Step #1: Look in the mirror, close-up. Don’t focus on your clogged pores or on your broken nose (like mine; when I look east, my nose looks west). They mean nothing. Don’t count your gray hairs, if you have them. Look into your eyes. See into the wonderful soul reflecting from those eyes. Do this for a whole minute, 60 seconds. If you have tears in your eyes, that’s fine. If you start crying, that’s even better. Even if you blurt out, “I love you,” that’s great! This just might be the first time that you looked at your real self.
  2. Step #2: Repeat the first of the Rambam’s 13 Principles of Faith. Encapsulated, tell yourself that you believe that everything comes from the Almighty and that He alone did, does and will do everything.
  3. Step #3: The Torah tells us that we are Hashem’s children and that His love for us is unfathomable. For sixty seconds, tell yourself, “G-d loves me.” Don’t simply repeat it – contemplate it and feel gratitude in your heart for the zillions of life’s blessings. Now, move on.
  4. Step #4: Think now that since the Creator is a loving Father-in-Heaven, and He loves me, He therefore created me with everything I need to be happy. Think how your apparent shortcomings are not shortcomings at all. Why? The Creator doesn’t give you what you don’t need to fulfill your purpose in life. Now, look for your good points. Think of your three most beautiful qualities.
  5. Step #5: Tell yourself how much you love yourself, just the way you are, right now – the whole package as is. Since you love yourself, you’re now ready to love everyone else. Think now how much you love life and love G-d. Thank Him for these 5 steps and now have a great day!
A Magnificent Accomplishment

Can you imagine what you’ve just accomplished? Here’s what happens with people who love themselves:

They are now open to love the rest of creation. One who doesn’t love himself is unable to love anyone else.

They’ll never lie, because they don’t need to invent stories to try and make themselves look great in other people’s eyes.

Those who truly love themselves will never speak slander or other evil speech, about anyone.

They’ll shun at the mere thought of ridiculing any other human being.

They never flatter evil or evil people, even if it means losing a job or suffering disparagement.


The four sins of lying, evil speech, ridicule and flattery sever a person from the Almighty. The soul, in order to be happy, must be connected to the Almighty. By loving yourself, not only do you maintain that connection, but you smile all day long. Nothing in the world is better. Every blessing, LB

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